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  I don t always talk to girls I like

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  Yeah man I make pepperoni dicks all day

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  To those few women who do this

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  So I let the guy who opened the door for me skip ahead in line and he does this

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  I think some teenagers need to learn this

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  So you made a small purchase from Amazon

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  Oh look even pigs have more fun than I do

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  Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flu

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  I was sweating bullets

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  Witnessed a Lion King moment while on a hike