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  Seriously don t get upset about this

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  This is what happens when stick a bar of soap in the microwave

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  So I let the guy who opened the door for me skip ahead in line and he does this

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  Sums up my entire philosophy on relationships

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  Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flu

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  I was sweating bullets

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  I wish this scene was in the movie

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  How old is that human being

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  Oh and then I laughed like an idiot

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  Yeah man I make pepperoni dicks all day