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  How old is that human being

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  This was my mom when I was in high school

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  I m proving her right every time

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  Sums up my entire philosophy on relationships

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  I was sweating bullets

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  I like my pasta at a m

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  So I let the guy who opened the door for me skip ahead in line and he does this

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  This is what happens when stick a bar of soap in the microwave

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  Every time I break the perforation

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  The most tactful way I ve seen to deter hotel theft